2016 essay contest honorable mention
by Amna Tariq
''Women hold up half the sky as the same height as by men'' (Mao)
despite the hypothetical power a woman owns, taking birth as a woman in a Pakistani society can be as a curse for a woman. Until the age of thirteen, everything seemed rainbows and unicorns to me. It was not until the age of fifteen when i started to realize how patriarchal our society is and how almost every woman in Pakistan has to go through a myriad number of challenges in order to survive. Even though i belong from an educated upper middle class with eclectic blessings, I had to face a plethora of challenges, at every step of life. Every night, as my cheek met the pillow I pondered about the problems an ordinary woman from an average class has to face while living in Pakistan.
In Pakistan, having a son is like being in seventh heaven. For most families specially for the lower class ones, having a son is like a dream come true and once he's born, he's treated like a sovereign . From coming past midnight, to being demean, he's barely ever questioned.
Like most girls as I turned fifteen, I was taught by my father how a girl, after she reaches puberty should cover herself up properly to public places. In other words, I was taught how the respect of a girl lies in her 'dupatta' and how a girl's dressing can be the reason for a man to loose his values such as his modesty. Initially, wearing a dupatta or wearing ill-fitted clothes wasn't a big of an issue for me. I always told myself how my respect is more important than how I look. However, despite dressing the way what our society calls 'modest', men would pass a smirk or whistle as i passed by, just like they would do at other young girls, even women. Everyday, as i would come home I questioned myself, what am i doing that is wrong?. Is my dupatta not long enough?, are my clothes too revealing? or is it that the length of kameez too short?. I would spend so much of my time questioning something that i now realize, at the age of seventeen is an inevitable feature of our patriarchal society.
Our society spends too much time questioning and pointing fingers at a girl. Our parents spend too much time teaching their daughters values and dont pay sufficient attention to their sons. while my parents taught me to cover myself up, no one taught my brother to lower his gaze when a girl passes by. If a man on the street stares at a girl, our society will point fingers about how the girl wasn't appropriately dressed, but no one questions the values of that of a man.
''Freedom''. In Pakistan, this word is out of question for women and girls. In My country, a woman is like a puppet with strings controlled by the society. Ever since i started school, i was taught how to dress up, whom to talk to, how to talk, how to walk, not the way I wanted to, instead, I was coached to be able to impress the society with my actions. I was encouraged to be the innocent, shy girl, who had to bolster a low tone even during a heated conversation. I was taught how stigmatized being an educated woman in our society is. How big of a taboo it is for women to be independent in Pakistan. How a well respected woman is the one who is home before dawn. How a successful girl is the one who knows how to cook and is an expert at washing dishes and how it is preferable for a woman to remain silent even she is caged in frustration. During all this phase of learning, I had no say in how I chose to live my life. My views about wanting to grow up as a strong and independent were seen jocular. I often ask my mom, why is our society so afraid to give women the freedom they deserve?
Sadly, I live in a country where there is a government loan for a girl's marriage but not for her education. Unlike other countries, in Pakistan, an educated woman is malicious and if you're very unfortunate to be born as a girl with an ambition in my society, then you have to dodge all sorts of bullets to pursue your dream, a dream simply consisting of receiving education. In the western world, a book and pen is the best weapon, a source of strength. Well, not in my country, here it's like exposing yourself to criticism. Internationally, Malala yousafzai (a Pakistani activist for female education and the youngest-ever Nobel Prize laureate) is glorified, seen as a figure of strength and seen as an idol to the world but unfortunately an outcast at home. An idol who in her home country is still seen as being 'uneducated' 'a 'betrayer to her country' and an ordinary soul 'being manipulated by the west'. It simply brings shame to me to belong to a society where substantial women are looked down upon.
Apart from the double standards, lack of freedom and disencouragement from education, I live in a society where a woman can be killed for a man's honor. A society where a man's honor apparently lie's in a woman's body, a body that doesn't even belong to him. A society where a woman in encouraged to live with her husband despite being a victim of domestic violence because he's her master. A society where a woman is blamed for getting raped, a society where the success of a woman relates to her kitchen skills and a society, where a woman is torn apart and simply left to rot.
It's about time our government should pass laws for the protection of women. Our ancestors should begin teaching men values rather than pointing finger at a women and should train men to be more open minded rather than imprisoning a woman. It's about time more focus is given to the education of a women rather than focusing on her marriage. The government should invest more on opening schools and universities for women, rather than investing more on marriage halls. The media should start portraying substantial woman rather than fragile ones and an ideal woman should be seen as a strong and independent one rather than a weak one.
'I raise up my voice- not so I can shout but so those without a voice can be heard... we cannot succeed when half of us are laid back' (Malala Yousafzai)